Kat McAdaragh

Grief is a wild, unpredictable beast. It doesn’t follow a schedule, it doesn’t care about your plans, and it doesn’t just fade away because enough time has passed. And you know what? That is okay.

In a world that often pushes us to be okay, to move on, and to find the silver lining, it’s important to recognize that sometimes, you’re just not okay. And that is completely normal. The truth is, grief is not a problem to be solved, but an experience to be felt.

The Messy Truth of Grief

Grief isn’t linear. It’s a rollercoaster. One day, you might feel like you’re finally catching your breath, and then the next, a song on the radio shatters you into a million pieces. It comes in waves—sometimes gentle, sometimes crushing. There’s no right way to grieve, no timeline, and definitely no magic formula to make it hurt any less.

Society tends to paint grief in stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. But the truth is, these stages are not a checklist. You might cycle through them multiple times or skip some altogether. Everyone grieves differently. And that’s okay.

It’s Okay to Not Be Okay

There’s an unspoken pressure in the world to present a brave face. We often feel like we need to show strength, to prove we’re handling it, or to avoid making others feel uncomfortable with our pain. But stuffing those emotions down doesn’t make them disappear—it just delays the healing process.

We have to remember that it’s okay to break down. It’s okay to cry in the grocery store or cancel plans because you just can’t handle the world that day. It’s okay to feel lost, angry, or completely numb. Your emotions are valid, and acknowledging them is a crucial step in moving through it all.

Finding Moments of Acceptance

Acceptance doesn’t mean you’re “over it.” It means you are making peace with the fact that grief has changed you. It means recognizing that the pain might always linger, but it doesn’t have to define you.

Acceptance comes in small moments—realizing you laughed without feeling guilty today, noticing the sunrise and feeling a spark of gratitude, or simply getting through a day without feeling crushed under the weight of loss. These are victories, and they deserve to be celebrated.

Moving Forward (Not Moving On)

The idea of “moving on” can sometimes feel like a betrayal to the person or thing you’ve lost. But moving forward is different. It’s about carrying the love and memories with you as you step into life again.

Moving forward might look like starting a new hobby, reconnecting with old friends, or even just getting out of bed and taking a shower. It’s about finding ways to live alongside your grief rather than running away from it.

Self-Compassion is Key

If there is one thing I’ve learned in my recent grieving process, it’s you have to be gentle with yourself. Healing isn’t a straight path, and there will be setbacks. There will be times where grief knocks you on your ass. Practice self-compassion—speak to yourself as you would a close friend. Allow yourself to rest, to feel, and to grieve in whatever way feels right for you.

Journaling, meditation, and mindfulness practices can be incredibly grounding. Try writing letters to the person you lost, expressing your emotions without judgment, or simply sitting quietly and noticing your breath. Sit with the feelings and take them in. These small practices can help anchor you when the waves of grief feel overwhelming.

Reach Out for Support

Grief can be isolating, but you don’t have to go through it alone. Reach out to friends, family, and support groups. Sometimes, just talking to someone who understands your situation can be your lifeline.

If you find yourself feeling stuck or unable to cope, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. There are plenty of options available—therapists, grief counselors, and support networks can offer you guidance and tools to help you process your loss.

The Beauty of Carrying Love Forward

Grief is the price we pay for love. It’s a testament of how deeply we cared. And while the pain of loss can feel unbearable at times, it’s a reflection of the profound connection we had.

Over time, the weight of grief does not become less, but becomes something we learn to carry with us. It doesn’t vanish, but it becomes manageable. And in carrying that love forward, we honor what we lost—by continuing to live, to grow, and to find joy again.

So, if you’re grieving, know this: it’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to take your time, to feel everything, and to move forward at your own pace. You are not broken, and you are not alone. And with time, patience, and love, you will find your way through this darkness—one small step at a time.

Dedicated to Dad, RIP 2025

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